Random One-shots & Drabbles
by Wrathkal
Summary: Just a collection of things that I have to get out of my mind... Some of these won't exactly be original, but I'll try. Rated M for language
1. Chapter 1

Innortal writes some very funny fics, and one of the themes used is having certain well-known anime characters (Naruto, Bleach, Evangelion, Ranma) go through time loops of their lives, over and over, accumulating power, but simply screwing around to deal with the boredom of living their lives repeatedly. They are accompanied by some of their friends, but this doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes they go a Loop alone.

This is one of those times.

Author's note: This is an expansion of Innortal's Naruto Time Loops, Time Loops Chapter 6 (Chapter 12 in his fanfic), Loop Number 3. Read and enjoy.

* * *

Naruto blinked and looked around. Once again, he had started in another loop. And as always...

"Okay... next is Team 7." Iruka announced from where he was standing at the front of the classroom. "Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto..."

Next to him, Sakura's pink head slumped in disappointment. Naruto glanced around the class and sent out the weak pulse of chakra that only those who accompanied him through the loops would recognize and respond to. No one seemed to notice, that meant he was alone in this Loop.

"And Uchiha Sasuke." Iruka finished.

Instantly, Sakura's mood took a complete one-eighty, and she raised her arms in a loud cheer. On her right, Naruto was grinning broadly as well, though for a different reason that those looking at him would have guessed.

_Great! Looks like I'm alone here. Now, what should I do... _Naruto interlaced his fingers and began to plot. _Oh yeah! There's that jutsu Ranma created!_

Naruto had adopted a certain rule regarding acting in the Loops. When he was alone, he would enjoy himself as much as he could. It was similar to the vacation Loops the loopers had sometimes, but in this case, it was just to take advantage of being the sole person with various special powers at his disposal.

In his office, the Third Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen suddenly felt a tingle go down his spine, and prayed that nothing bad would happen today.

After announcing the rest of the teams, Iruka dismissed them all for lunch, and Naruto snuck off to Ichiraku's for some ramen. The food of the gods never failed to inspire the best ideas in him.

Sitting at the counter, he called out his order. "One miso to start!"

The chef Teuchi nodded, smiling at his number one customer. "Got it!"

_Let's see... _Naruto pulsed his chakra again, to check for any late wakeups. _Yup, I'm alone! Bwahahaha! Now..._

He considered messing with his team, but he did that at least twice in the last ten loops, when only one of the two looped with him, so Naruto abandoned that idea. The next thing was to do something to screw with Kakashi, those were always fun, since there were so many ways to prank the one-eyed jounin, namely targeting his Icha Icha.

_Like that time me, Sakura and the teme framed him with all those yaoi books. _Naruto cackled, just as Ayame put the bowl of ramen in front of him. _That was a great source of laughs for all of us!_

He began digging in, slurping up his ramen greedily. Still, his mind continued to work at a furious rate. The last Loop involved a looping Hinata who REALLY wanted his bones, so he didn't feel like going after her this round... and the next two Loops.

**"How about another 'Kyuubi escape'?" **The fox in his gut suggested.

Naruto considered it, then shook his head. _Nah, it's getting old. Give it another few more loops, okay? But now that you mention it..._

**"Sounds like you have a good idea, brat..." **

_The whole village... yes, that would be good... now, just how should I go about it... _Naruto tried to laugh, but nearly choked on his ramen.

He postponed his planning to eat his ramen more carefully. Ramen was ramen, and thus more important.

* * *

His planning continued even after he returned to the classroom and the rest of the jounin instructors had taken away their teams, leaving him with the emo and the fangirl. Once in a while, Naruto would act up by making a fuss about how late their sensei was, keeping up his appearance of a loudmouthed idiot. Sasuke would ignore him, while Sakura would shout at him, causing him to quiet down until the next time.

But in his head, a fiendish plan was being concocted. He had the main idea ready, all that was left was how to apply it, when his chance to apply it would come, and then... see how far he could go with it.

_Yes. Yeeessss... I remember now... that chance is the best one to play on. But until then, I have to remain under cover..._Naruto glanced at the clock. _Kakashi will turn up soon. Time for the ol' eraser prank._

**"Again with that? I thought you didn't want to do old pranks."**

_It's not old, it's classic! _Naruto argued as he grabbed the eraser from the blackboard and the teacher's chair.

**"Whatever you say, brat."**

Mentally grumbling about cocky nine-tailed foxes who didn't know the importance of classic, Naruto climbed on top of the chair and wedged the eraser near the top of the door, where it would drop down once the door was pushed further open.

"HEY! What are you doing, Naruto?!" Sakura shouted, and got out of her seat to approach him.

Snickering, Naruto jumped down from the chair. "That's what he gets for being late!"

"Geez..." Sakura groaned, hands on her hips. "I'm not involved, you hear?"

Up where he was seated, Sasuke snorted. "Pfft... like a jounin would fall for such a stupid booby trap."

_This jounin does! _Naruto thought, seeing a fingerless-gloved hand slide into the crack and push the door open, only to have the owner of that hand experience an eraser falling on top of his head. "WAHAHAHAHA! You fell for it, you fell for it!" He laughed, pointing at the masked face of Hatake Kakashi.

Behind him, Sakura tried to make excuses for herself, while Sasuke was in disbelief that someone actually fell for the trap.

Kakashi rubbed his chin, chuckling lightly. "Hmm... how should I put this? My first impression is..." He suddenly stopped chuckling. "I don't like you guys."

_Same old Kakashi... it's always fun to shock him when we do something really outrageous... like the Flames of Youth act. _Naruto repressed a shudder. _That was a hard act to keep up._

"Meet me on the roof in five minutes." Kakashi instructed, and vanished in a Shunshin.

"Last one there is a gay emo!" Naruto shouted and dashed out of the room.

The other two genins could only stare after him, thinking, _What the heck?_

* * *

Predictably, Sakura arrived after Sasuke, not wanting to overtake her crush, thus robbing Naruto of the chance to call his rival a gay emo. Once they were all seated, Kakashi asked them to introduce themselves.

"About your likes, dislikes... your dreams for the future and things like that." finished the one-eyed jounin.

_Mess with him? Nahhh... _"Hey, why don't you introduce yourself to us first!?"

"Yeah," Sakura voiced her agreement, "You look kind of suspicious."

Kakashi's lone eye fixed somewhere over their left shoulders. "Oh, me...? Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no desire to tell you my likes and dislikes..."

_That means he's a private person... _Naruto thought, having learned the art of looking underneath the underneath.

"Dreams for the future... Hmm."

_That means he doesn't think much about the future._

"And I have a lot of hobbies..."

_Which are not for the likes of kids our age. _

"So all he told us... is his name?" Sakura asked the two boys.

"Now it's your turn, let's start from the right."

_Loudmouthed persona! _"Yosh! My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen, cup ramen, but most of all Ichiraku's ramen! I dislike waiting three minutes for the cup ramen to cook, and emo temes." Naruto noticed Sasuke twitching, the other boy realizing that he was the one being referred to. "And my dream is to surpass all the previous Hokages, and have the people of this village acknowledge my existence!"

Naruto noticed Kakashi's eye narrowing slightly, but not in a hostile way.

"Hobbies... messing around with people through pranks, I guess." _Just wait till you see what I've got this round!_

Kakashi scratched his head. "Okay, next."

Sasuke spoke up from behind his hands. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don't really like anything, but there are a lot of things I dislike. I don't really have a dream, but more of an ambition... the resurrection of my clan and..." His gaze darkened slightly. "To kill a certain man."

"That better not be me, teme." Naruto muttered as Sakura blushed in awe.

Sasuke ignored him.

"Okay..." Kakashi crossed his arm. "My name is Haruno Sakura. I like... well, the person I like is..." She clenched her fists in front of her face shyly, peeking at the black-haired boy sitting on her left. "And uhm... my dream for the future is... KYAH!"

Kakashi sweatdropped. Naruto, having encountered it many, many times already, just looked up at the sky.

"What I dislike... Ino-pig and Naruto!" She glared at the blonde.

_Dislike you too, Yaoi bitch. _Naruto thought towards the looping Sakura with a shudder.

"My hobby is..." Sakura trailed off.

"Stalking emo here." Naruto muttered, too soft for any but Kakashi to pick up.

"Okay! That's enough for introductions." Kakashi shifted his weight on the railing he was sitting on. "Tomorrow we'll start our duties as shinobi."

"Yeah!" Naruto sat up straight. "What kinds of duties!? I'm ready for anything!"

"First we're going to do something with just the four of us."

"What? What?" _Here it comes..._

"Survival training." Kakashi announced.

Naruto kept silent, as did Sasuke. It was Sakura who asked the question.

"Why is our first duty a training? We've had enough training at the academy."

"This isn't normal training." Kakashi replied. "This time, I'm your opponent."

After a brief silence, Kakashi began chuckling. It was an intimidating sound.

"What's so funny, Sensei?" asked Sakura.

"Uhm... well, it's just that..." Kakashi gestured with his right hand. "When I tell you this, you guys are totally going to freak out."

_Okay, got to keep it natural... _"Freak out? Huh?"

Kakashi's hand came up to cup the side of his face, casting his lone eye in shadow. "Of the twenty-seven graduates, only nine will become genin. The rest will be sent back to the academy. This training is a very difficult exam with a failure rate of over sixty-six percent!"

Naruto let his jaw drop open to express his (fake) shock. The other two stiffened as well, taken aback by this piece of information.

"Hahaha!" Kakashi laughed. "I told you you'd freak out..."

_Three, two, one... _"WHAT? NO WAY!" Naruto yelled. "We worked so hard! What's the point of graduating then!?"

Kakashi wasn't ruffled. "Oh, that? That was to select those who have the chance to become genin."

"Uhh... what?!" Naruto asked dumbly, playing up the image of an idiot.

The jounin's gaze drifted to cover all three of them. "Anyway, tomorrow you have to show your real skills on the training ground. Bring all the shinobi tools you have." He paused for a moment. "Oh, and skip breakfast if you don't want to throw up."

Naruto looked down, trying not to laugh. He had lots of practice doing that already. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that the other two were worried about the test as well, although Sasuke tried to hide it beneath a cool facade.

Kakashi got off the railing and pulled out pamphlets from his hip pouch. "The details are on these papers," He told them as he held it out for them to take, "And don't be late tomorrow."

_Ahh~ There's that trolling character of his... _Naruto deadpanned as he took one of the pamphlets.

Sakura was freaking out. "Throw up?! Is it that tough?!"

"Alright, you're dismissed for today."

Thanks to some of the special skills Naruto had picked up with his Looping, he could recall the very first time he went through this. Back then, he had trained late at night with a doll dressed like Kakashi hanging from his ceiling. It was a useless act, now that he looked back on it.

This time, Naruto spent the night creeping around Konoha, refreshing his memory of the village and its inhabitants, and scouting out the defenses. He had a large number of clones doing the same thing, enabling him to cover the entire village in the span of a few hours. Afterwards, he spent the last few hours organizing the memories in his head with the Occlumency he had learned at Hogwarts.

_Just you wait, Konoha! _Naruto thought before going to sleep.

* * *

That morning, Naruto ate a healthy breakfast, ignoring Kakashi's (false) advice, and turned up early with his full gear, which consisted of good quality stuff he had swapped our with the crappy stuff his haters dumped on him to sabotage his skills.

_I could get tied to the posts like the first time, but I want to at least make some effort if I'm going to get punished. _Grinning, Naruto created several Shadow Clones and sent them out to booby trap the place.

Sasuke arrived next, then Sakura, both carrying their backpacks. It soon reached eight, and Kakashi was predictably late... though only Naruto knew that. He made a fuss, then pretended to give up and went to take a nap, running through the plan in his head.

Eventually, it soon came to eleven o'clock, and Naruto was awoken by Sakura shouting, "YOU'RE LATE!"

"Hey guys, good morning!" Kakashi waved lazily, not bothered by the hostile glares his team was giving him.

Before Sakura could demand to know what took him so long and give him the chance to use one of his typical lame excuses, Kakashi slipped off his backpack and took out an alarm clock. He adjusted it, and set it down on a training post.

"Okay, it's set for noon." Kakashi reached into his pouch and pulled out two bells. "Here are two bells. Your task is to take these from me before time's up."

_Good ol' bell test. _Naruto thought, (Nostalgia wore dry after the first few times looping) _Too bad I can't mess him up... or can I?_

"Those who don't have a bell by noon get no lunch." Kakashi pointed at the three posts. "I'll not only tie one of you to the stumps, but I'll also eat right in front of you."

As if to emphasize his words, a growl emanated from Sakura and Sasuke's stomachs. Naruto clutched his and put on a suffering expression, concealing his own lack of hunger.

"You only have to get one bell." The jounin continued, "There are only two, so one of you will definitely be tied to the stumps." Raising the bells up to his eyes, Kakashi's eye narrowed darkly. "And... the person who doesn't take a bell fails, so one of you will at least be sent back to the academy."

"Well, that ain't gonna be me, yeah!" Naruto shouted, but his (faked) stiffness gave away his nervousness.

The dark mood around Kakashi vanished, and he continued talking in a flippant manner. "Well, you can use shurikens and kunais. You won't succeed unless you come at me with intent to kill."

"But... you'll be in danger!" Sakura objected.

Kakashi eye-smiled. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Now... when I say start, we'll begin."

All three genins tensed.

"Ready... START!"

Instantly, all four of them leapt away from their positions. Two of them went into the forest to hide, while the other two remained out in the clearing. Kakashi landed and ducked beneath a roundhouse from Naruto, who followed it up with a few kicks and punches, all of which were cleverly faked to seem amateurish, and were easily avoided. Finally, Kakashi distanced himself from Naruto, who watched cautiously as the man dug a hand into his hip pouch.

"Shinobi fighting lesson number one... Taijutsu. I'll teach you about it."

Then he pulled out an orange-colored book.

Naruto played the events out as before, asking about the book, and being told that it would make no difference, which he pretended to be annoyed by and rushed in to attack. That led to the setup for the Thousand Years of Pain...

"Huh?" Naruto seemed surprised that Kakashi wasn't where he was aiming.

"NARUTO! RUN AWAY!" Sakura's voice screamed from across the field. "YOU'RE GOING TO GET KILLED!"

"What?" Naruto turned to look.

"Too late." Kakashi's eye gleamed. "Hidden Leaf Ancient Taijutsu Supreme Technique: A Thousand Years of Pain!" He jabbed his joined fingers up Naruto's butt.

Only to hit crumpling paper. Paper with certain markings on it and a kanji for 'Explosion' in the center, and it was starting to hiss dangerously. The fiery blast was quite a thing to see, but Kakashi landed a safe distance from the site, only slightly singed.

However, the same could not be said for his book, which had flames burning at one end. Kakashi's eye widened, and he quickly patted it out.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI, YOU CHILD-MOLESTING PERVERT!" Naruto yelled from the place he had been hiding, watching his clone bait the man. "YOU AND YOUR STUPID ERO-BOOK CAN GO BURN IN HELL!"

It was a foolish move, revealing his position like that, but that was just what Naruto wanted. Still, there was no sense in letting Kakashi come after him, so Naruto vacated that position and moved somewhere else to hide.

The rest of the time was spent watching the other two fail miserably at getting the bells; Sakura fainting at a simple genjutsu made Naruto smile, while seeing Sasuke get dragged into the ground up to his neck made him grin widely.

_Time to get myself tied up. _Naruto snuck towards the memorial stone, where the lunches were. _Come on, Kakashi!_

Naruto placed his hands together. "Itadakimasu!"

Kakashi's presence appeared on the stone behind him. "Oi... what do you think you're doing?"

Thus, when the bell rang for the test, Naruto was tied to a post with Sasuke and Sakura sitting on either side of him. Events played out as they did originally; Kakashi telling them they were better off quitting being shinobi, talking about what the names on the memorial stone meant, Sasuke and Sakura feeding him in defiance of Kakashi's orders, Kakashi suddenly turning up telling them they passed, and finally telling them about the saying regarding teammates.

"Alright! Starting tomorrow, Team 7 will begin its duties!" The three of them picked up their bags. "Let's go."

Naruto began kicking frantically. "DAMN IT! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! UNTIE ME!"

They ignored him and continued walking.

**"Fine then!" Naruto yelled at the retreating figures of his team, tied to the pole at the training grounds. "I don't need any of you! I'll go make my own team, maybe my own village!"**

**When his senses told him they were gone, hidden Kage Bunshin not detecting anyone nearby, the Jinchuuriki smirked as he used some Force to remove the bindings.**

**So far, he had played the Loop as if it was the original, as if he didn't have all those cool abilities, powers, or access to technology beyond this world.**

_**Time for Ranma's jutsu!**_

**Ranma had used a combination of magic, chi, chakra, Force, and several other paths of power to take Kage Bunshin to the next level: Doppelgänger. Even with the knowledge of how to do it, you needed to be able to pull off creating ten thousand Kage Bunshin. But they were more durable than a Kage Bunshin. In effect, you created a fully functional clone, disperses when dead or desired, could be used to create a 'mental network' of sharing information and such—something Naruto still couldn't quite do but Ranma insisted he had once covered the entire Federation with them.**

**You created a living being, a full clone that fought as well as you, as strong as you, and was self-sustaining—at least as much as any other being.**

**And now Naruto was going to use it in a Loop where no one else was 'awake'.**

**"Well, I did warn them."**

He created five of them to start out with, and sent them off to cover for his presence in Konoha and prepare for the second stage of his prank. Then he Apparated out of there, a short distance outside the large walls surrounding Konoha, far enough that the patrolling ANBU would not notice him. There, Naruto began creating more Doppelgängers, letting them split off to help with the construction of the physical portion of his plan. Others pulled out wands and cast several wards to conceal the ongoing work from Konoha, while the five he left in the village set to work on hitting up the various targets he had lined up with summoning seals.

The materials for the buildings wasn't difficult, since there were a great number of trees that had to be cleared out in order to make space, and magic easily converted them to building material for use. Raising a mountain for a copy of the Hokage Monument was even easier; several Doppelgängers using an Earth Release jutsu did the trick. As for the walls, the only snag was that the copies of himself he had working on them kept getting sidetracked laughing at the oblivious ANBU patrolling the original version less than a kilometer away.

But eventually it was done. Every tile, stone, and plank in Konoha had been perfectly replicated into his own creation. From the Hokage tower itself right down to the secret hidden base of the ROOT, there wasn't a part Naruto missed out on. Few people would be able to tell the difference, and none of them existed within this Loop.

_Maybe I should try this with teme and Sakura sometime... _Naruto mused.

**"That would mean less people whose minds you can screw with, kit." **disagreed the fox.

_You're right. Oh well..._ Naruto focused and sent out the message through the mental network that connected him to his alternate selves.

All across the Konoha replica, thousands of blondes broke out into grins as they used the Copy Cat technique, modified for visual effect. The original Naruto had a bit of a headache as multiple personalities came through the connection he had to his Doppelgängers, but it wasn't much of a problem. Once the village had been 'populated', they activated the seals back in Konoha, and the prank was complete.

Now he just had to wait for morning to come.

* * *

"Hokage-sama, we have a serious problem." An ANBU reported to the old man sitting behind his desk.

"What is it?" Sarutobi Hiruzen asked grumpily.

After working late at night to deal with the never-ending flow of paperwork, the last thing he had expected was to be roused from his bed after a few hours of sleep.

"Our food stores and supplies have been raided. There is nothing left."

"What." The Hokage said flatly. "I must be hearing things, because I thought you just said that we have no food left."

The ANBU kneeling there tensed slightly. "That is correct, sir."

"The warehouses? The Akimichi clan's stores? Our emergency supply located near the shelters?" demanded the old man. "Even those in this tower?"

"All of them have been hit." The ninja repeated.

The very idea was inconceivable. All of them were carefully guarded by ninjas, and some of their locations were top-secret as well. For every single one to have been targeted in the course of a single night spoke of long-term planning, as well as a possible leak in their security. Sarutobi felt the beginnings of a headache as he tried to think of a possible explanation.

"Is there any clue as to who may have done this?" He asked.

"None, Hokage-sama." The ANBU paused. "We've had Hyuugas and Inuzukas at those locations trying to find a lead, but none of them have found a thing." He admitted.

There was a long pause as both men tried to come up with something to say. But there was just too little to go on; as much as either of them tried, there was nothing they could do.

**Sarutobi rubbed his forehead. "Someone stole all that food."**

**"Yes, Hokage-sama," said the ANBU agent.**

**"I see," he murmured. "Make inquiries to our suppliers. We need that food replaced. Double security in case-"**

**"Sir!" cried out a female ANBU member, appearing in the open doorway. "You... you need to see this."**

The headache showed signs of turning into a full migraine. Grimacing, but recognizing the urgency in the woman's tone, Sarutobi got up and gestured for her to lead the way, with the other ANBU following behind as well. As they left his office, he questioned the new arrival on what had gotten her so flustered.

What he heard initially made him wonder what were his ANBU smoking. An outpost suddenly appearing on the outskirts of the village? There was no way his ninjas wouldn't have noticed its construction. But his experience at reading people told him that she was telling the truth, or at least believing herself to be doing so. The very least he could do was to take a look for himself.

"Get Anko Mitarashi. I want her there in case this is another of Orochimaru's plots." Sarutobi ordered. _Have you finally returned for revenge, my student?_

"Yes, sir." Another ANBU dashed away quickly.

As he headed towards the scene, the Hokage prayed that things wouldn't get any worse.

* * *

The faux-ANBU waiting on top of the high walls chuckled softly, watching their true counterparts scramble around in the distance. They had lowered the illusions and wards hiding their presence with the morning shift change, and the effect produced in Konoha's ANBU was astoundingly amusing. In the back of his mind, they received a notice from the clone left in Konoha that the Hokage himself was mobilizing, along with several ANBU and Anko the crazy snake lady.

He signalled to his partners to call their ANBU commander over, and continued to watch.

While ANBU Guard Naruto couldn't see anyone speaking apart from Anko (due to the Hokage's hat and the ANBU masks), their postures were easy enough to read. The old man was questioning his escort on the details of how the copy of Konoha village had appeared, and the substandard replies was getting on his nerves. And everyone in that group knew it.

**"Are you telling me that over one night, someone constructed a whole village mockup of Konoha less than a kilometer from us and no one noticed anything until the morning?" bellowed out the Hokage, standing back from the new village's main entrance.**

**"We are not sure, Hokage-sama," said the lead ANBU.**

**"Yeah, great work," snorted Anko, there in case it was her old teacher doing this.**

The ANBU commander arrived with a few more men. Thanks to their linked minds, there wasn't a need to ask for an update. Grinning behind his mask, the first ANBU stepped back to let his 'superior' take over. The commander nodded back, and cleared his throat to get the attention of those below.

**"Perhaps we can be of help."**

**Blinking, the group looked up, spotting people dressed nearly matching the Leaf ANBU.**

**"And you are?" asked Anko.**

**"We are the elite guard of the Hidden Ramen village," said their lead ANBU.**

**"… Someone get Kakashi and his team. Somehow, I think Naruto is behind this."**

All of the Narutos there wished they had a camera to record the deadpan look on Sarutobi Hiruzen's face, even as he gave the order. At least they still had Pensieves to view the memory in.

"Yes, sir!" Three of the ANBUs saluted and vanished, gone back to retrieve the hypocritical members of Team 7.

He turned back to face front. "In the meantime, I would like to ask just what is going on here. I request to meet your leader."

The Ramen ANBU Commander nodded. "Wait right there. We shall have an escort prepared shortly."

He gestured, and five Ramen ANBUs leapt down to the ground while one went off in another direction. Their hands were held at their sides to show that they weren't hostile, but not letting their guard down either. Similarly, the Konoha shinobis were wary, but made no moves to attack. Both sides studied each other carefully, though the Ramen troops were smirking behind their masks.

"What's this about foreign shinobi at our gates?" A familiar female voice demanded.

Anko's eyes widened, as did the rest of the Konoha contingent. Standing behind the Ramen ANBUs was a woman dressed in a fishnet shirt under a leather coat, and a short skirt. It was the same outfit worn by a certain snake mistress of Konoha, and the wearer looked almost the same, except for blond hair and whisker marks on the face.

"Just what sort of joke is this?" snarled Anko. "Are you one of Orochimaru's tricks?"

Ramen Anko snorted. "Orochimaru? That bastard? As if! Now, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"That's my question, _bitch_!"

"You wanna play, huh?"

"Oh, you bet I want to play!" Anko bit her thumb, and made a few hand seals. "_Kuchiyose no Jutsu!_"

"Anko!" Sarutobi snapped, but it was too late. A large plume of smoke appeared around Anko.

"_Kuchiyose no Jutsu!_"

The old man's head snapped around to see a similar smoke cloud where the Ramen Anko had been. Even as he stared, the smoke blew away to reveal a giant brown-scaled snake coiled up, matching the one Anko had summoned.

"How can you summon snakes? That's not possible!" Anko demanded furiously.

"That's because I'm Mitarashi Anko. The snake mistress of the Hidden Ramen." Ramen Anko declared, a sadistic smirk on her lips.

_Just what the hell is going on here? _Sarutobi wondered feebly.

* * *

Kakashi answered the frantic knocking at his door, his hair standing up despite not wearing a headband. The knocker was one of the new ANBU recruits, someone he didn't recognize.

"What's wrong?"

"You have been summoned by the Hokage. Immediately. He is currently outside the village awaiting your team."

"My team?" The one-eyed jounin asked confusedly.

"Yes. Hokage-sama has called for your whole team. Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura are being summoned as well."

Kakashi picked up on the absent name right away. "Wait, what about Naruto?"

The man paused. "...perhaps you should hear it from the Hokage." He suggested.

Kakashi frowned, but nodded. "I will be there right away."

He closed the door and quickly got dressed in his uniform, and left through the window. _Naruto, just what did you do this time?_

At the gates, he found Sasuke and Sakura waiting for him, with ANBU escorts of their own.

Sakura was the one to speak. "Sensei, what's going on? Where's Naruto?"

"I don't know, but I think we're going to find out." Kakashi replied grimly. "Let's go."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted, but moved off with the rest of the group.

When Kakashi first noticed the copy of the village, he immediately pulled up his headband to expose his Sharingan, to check for any illusions. To his side, Sasuke breathed in sharply when he saw his clan's bloodline eye on his teacher. However, he could not ask about it yet, as someone else spoke first.

"It's not an illusion, Hatake-san." The nearby ANBU murmured. "Believe me, we've checked."

"How?" He could only ask, lowering his headband.

"We don't know."

They finally joined the rest of the initial Konoha group, and the members of Team 7 could almost swear they had went in a circle without realizing it, if not for the difference in the symbol on the gates, which was a bowl with steam rising above it. Kakashi was surprised to see another Anko standing facing the first group, looking almost identical apart from the blond hair.

_Is that... Naruto? _He pulled up his headband again. _No, that's an actual body! But how? How is this possible?_

The Hokage nodded to them, and turned back to face the Ramen ANBU commander. "We're ready."

The man nodded. "Follow us. We will lead you to our Ramenkage."

"Ramenkage?" echoed Sakura in disbelief.

"What has the dobe done now?"

"Quiet." The Hokage ordered, and they fell silent.

Surrounded by Ramen ANBUs, the group of Konoha shinobis entered the Hidden Ramen Village. It was a startling experience.

**Sarutobi continued to stare in shock as his group—several ANBU, Kakashi, Anko, and Kakashi's team—made their way through the apparent Village Hidden in the Ramen.**

**Narutos.**

**Everywhere one looked, there were Naruto clones, each one dressed, hair styled, acting just like a counter-part in Leaf. He'd already seen Naruto-versions of Kakashi, Gai, and Hiashi Hyuuga, complete with Byakugan eyes.**

**Even the female form usually only seen in the Sexy Jutsu was done the same way for the female copies. I really need to sit the boy down for a long psychiatric evaluation.**

**Of course, they might have made the trip quicker if Anko and 'Anko' weren't glaring at each other.**

**And how the hell did Naruto get the 'Anko' Naruto to summon snakes?**

**"How did Naruto do all this?" asked Sakura. "I mean, he knows Kage Bunshin, but to this level…"**

**"This is beyond Kage Bunshin," said Kakashi. "These are actual bodies. I'm not even aware of any technique that can do this. Were it not for how things appear to my Sharingan eye, I would have assumed it was some form of genjutsu."**

**"You have not suffered enough, Sasuke."**

**The last Uchiha stopped, turning quickly as he tossed three kunai at the voice.**

**The figure wearing a black robe with red clouds casually deflected them, staring at the boy with Sharingan eyes.**

**"My mistake," murmured 'Itachi'. "I thought you were my brother, Sasuke."**

**"You'll pay for this, Naruto," growled Sasuke. "I am the real Sasuke Uchiha!"**

**'Itachi' raised his eyebrow. "Very well then, you shall suffer as I have planned for my brother.**

**"Now then," he said, reaching into his robe. "Who would like to see pictures of Sasuke being potty-trained?"**

**"DIE!" **The mask of ugly rage on Sasuke's face was almost enough to make the watching Narutos break down in laughter.

**"Hey!" came out a very familiar voice. "We don't allow fights like that in my village!"**

**The group looked up, spotting what they thought was their Naruto.**

**"Are you the real Naruto?" asked Sarutobi.**

**"I'm Naruto-0 if that's what you mean," stated the blond. "See, Jiji; I made my own village! Ain't I cool!"**

**Goal: bankrupt Leaf. **_**Teach them to leave me behind. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

This time, Naruto had a camera to capture their expressions.

* * *

And that's my version of Innortal's time loop! There are sequels to it, where Naruto continues to run his Hidden Ramen Village, ultimately sending his own genin teams to Konoha for the Chunin exams, including one of the Sannin team as they were in their youth, all to screw with the minds of the Konoha villagers. I'd write that, but I have no idea how to go about it.

So this is my supposed drabble. Had to get it out of my mind. I doubt I'll write anything else for this collection for a while, but who knows?


	2. Beginnings

**One of my web browser favorites is on the Naruto crossovers. I've read quite a few of them, particularly those The Infamous Man's challenges. Speaking of crossovers, it's usually set in one of the two worlds, with Naruto either bringing his abilities over, or possessing new abilities from the other world. Simple generalization. My personal preference is usually for the latter, because honestly, Naruto is pretty limited when he first started out.**

**So I was wondering, how else can Naruto carry abilities over from other series? Here's my take on it.**

* * *

Naruto bolted upright, looking around. The surroundings seemed unfamiliar at first, but as the memories came back, he groaned. "I died again, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." The man standing at the foot of his cot answered his rhetorical question.

"So how did I do this time?" Naruto swung his feet off the surface and onto the floor.

The girl shrugged. "Take a look." She gestured at the screen.

Naruto glanced at the young boy, then shook his head. He would never get used to how the... _being_ kept changing appearances every single moment, even when he was staring directly at IT (IT never gave its name). The memory of his first time coming here returned, and he grimaced.

This place could be called heaven, or hell. According to IT, somewhere in the course of his first life, Naruto broke something important in the space-time fabric, which was why he would go through his life over and over again. The loops would continue until he figured out what went wrong and prevented it. The only difference was that he could make some changes to himself before he did, one of which was the choice to carry his memories over. That proved to be useful when he wanted to do his life better than he had before, and was provided so as to prevent the mental stress from building up.

The other changes were to give himself special abilities, some of which were kekkei genkai (bloodline limits), while others were extraordinary even by ninja standards. IT had provided several templates to choose from, and Naruto would select the necessary ability and extent to which he could wield it. He picked them quite a lot initially, trying all sorts of things like a child in a candy store given free reign, but lately he had been resorting to the old school stuff out of nostalgia.

Looking at the screen on the wall, he read through the list of his achievements of his last life.

"Cleared genin exam, beat but did not save Haku-chan and Zabuza, actually managed to get promoted to chunin, brought Baa-chan back, saved Koyuki-chan and Snow Country, et cetera, et cetera..." He skipped straight to the bottom. "Mutual death against Sasuke after being named Hokage. Well, not too bad, I guess."

The woman nodded, walking over to a console that had spontaneously appeared in the corner of the white room. "Want a few minutes before we discuss your next round?"

"You know," Naruto grumbled sourly, "I don't like the way you make this sound like a game."

"Ahem." The teenager coughed. "How rude. Whose fault was it that this started in the first place?"

Naruto fidgeted. "Okay, fine. I'm ready."

IT grinned widely. "So, normal or special?"

"...special." Naruto decided after a few moments of thought.

"Oh ho. Let's see..." The old man tapped at the console in front of him. "Let's try... Shounen Jump."

Naruto looked down to see a list of titles floating in front of him, and saw one that looked new. "What's this one?" He tapped it with a finger, making it light up.

"Ah, that one? It was recently unlocked. Interested?"

"What abilities are there?" Naruto asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Have a look." The girl waved, sending a glowing screen flying in front of him.

Naruto scanned through the information in front of him, and his interest grew even more. "Woah, this looks awesome."

The blond boy with whisker marks on his face chuckled. "Isn't it? Well, which one do you want?"

"This one!"

"Alright, now let's decide on the setting... adjust the slider to see how many percent overlap you want. Maximum of fifty percent, minimum five percent to get the full use of your abilities. My recommendation is fifteen, by the way."

Naruto placed his finger on the glowing slider and dragged it to the left until the number read 'fifteen', and marked the box that read 'provide guide'. "I'll take that recommendation."

"Good." The redhead smiled. "Lastly, how much of your memories do you want to bring? The choices are unknown, subconscious, partial foretelling, and full."

"Partial foretelling." Naruto moved towards the open tube set against the wall.

The bald monk typed into the console. "Done. Enjoy."

"I'll try." Naruto groaned as he climbed into the tube.

The tube closed by having an opaque cover slide down over it, and the entire thing was sucked into the wall, leaving no trace of its existence there. IT gazed at that spot for a moment, before turning and walking towards the opposite wall, where a doorway into bright light appeared. IT's face flickered through several different people's faces, and finally settled on a blank face with no facial features at all.

Yet ITs parting words could be heard, had anyone else been in the room. "The things some fanfiction authors come up with..."

* * *

**So this is my take on how the fourth realm interacts with Naruto, putting a character into various incarnations as the protagonist of a fanfic. IT would be us fanfic authors, obviously, and we're just putting Naruto into our own preferred settings. I've read some Harry Potter time travel stories where Harry meets somebody in death who sends him back, etc. Not a bad idea, so I simply applied it to here.**

**This isn't really a good prologue to a story, but it just gives everyone a visible reason for how Naruto ends up having some ability that he didn't have in canon. Also, I'm just writing this to take my mind off boredom.**

**Have a nice day.**


	3. Messing with the Written Exam

**Another time looping Naruto...**

* * *

Team 7 had just met Kakashi outside the hall where the first test of the Chunin Exams was being held, and were about to venture inside. Naruto hung back to make eight Shadow Clones, who quickly vanished off to set up the upcoming prank. Looking around to check that no one had seen that, he then entered after his teammates.

The events played out as he remembered; meeting the rest of the Konoha rookies, encountering Kabuto and his deck of info cards, watching Kabuto get attacked by the Sound nins, finally taking his seat with the rest of the genins once Ibiki and the rest of the examiners appeared. As he listened to the instructions with only one ear, Naruto kept tapping his finger on the desk. When Ibiki looked as though he was about to end his speech, Naruto stopped.

"Let the show begin." He whispered.

"The exam will last one hour. Alright..." Ibiki paused. "Begin!"

Instantly, everyone in the room turned over their papers and picked up their pencils. Naruto looked through the questions. With all his experience, he could answer at least five of them without having to cheat off the plants in the exam, but that wasn't his intention. Peeking to the side, he noticed Kotetsu sitting in his row.

He heard somebody behind him stand up and ask how many teams would pass the exam, only to get shot down by Ibiki.

_Five... four... three... two... one..._ Naruto kept his head down, but he heard a few people looking up. _Aaaand... now. _

Raising his head, he saw a sign hanging on two ropes outside the window.

**THERE ARE A LOT OF DEVIANTS IN THE CHUNIN EXAMS.**

He blinked at it, then shook his head and returned his attention to the exam paper. Some of the Chunins sitting facing the window had noticed, as did Ibiki, but none of them made any move to do anything about it, though some of them glanced at him. Clearly, his reputation as a prankster made him the prime suspect.

A flicker at the corner of his vision told him the sign had been raised up out of sight. A few seconds later, a different sign dropped into place.

**SOME ARE PEDOPHILES AIMING FOR YOUNG BOYS.**

That one made quite a few genins mutter worriedly. Naruto knew it was a dig at Orochimaru, who was currently under disguise as a Grass Ninja with the Sound Four disguised as his teammates. But it also took some of the heat off him, because he was acting dumb and stupid, and unlikely to know what a pedophile was.

**SOUND NINJAS HAVE GOOD EARS.**

**WHICH THEY USE TO LISTEN IN ON THOSE GOING AT IT.**

The next two signs had an effect on the Sound Ninjas, who jerked in their seat. A few genins sniggered, and received dirty looks from those getting insulted. More than one of the Chunins were smiling, and some of those seated in front of the window had turned to look. Ibiki continued to watch impassively.

**SOME STEAL THEIR SISTER'S MAKEUP,**

**TIE THEMSELVES UP, OR PLAY WITH DOLLS IN **_**THAT**_** WAY.**

**NOT NECESSARILY DIFFERENT PEOPLE.**

Naruto heard Kankurou mutter darkly about it being war paint, and Temari stifle a laugh, knowing the messages were aimed at her brother. Gaara didn't react, but then again, he wouldn't because he wasn't present in this Loop, and Gaara was an unemotional prick back before Naruto won him over.

**BEWARE THE FLAMES OF YOUTH.**

Naruto couldn't help a snort at that one, especially since it was followed by an ink drawing of Maito Gai flashing a thumbs up with a wide grin. Even better was the next sign that came after the drawing.

**IT GIVES YOU CATERPILLAR EYEBROWS.**

This time, it was Tenten who stifled a laugh. Naruto peeked over his shoulder at where Lee was sitting, and saw a few other genins do the same and shy away from the boy with the bowl cut in green spandex. Lee was looking angry.

He suddenly stood up. "Don't you dare insult the flames of youth!" shouted Lee, startling more than a few people.

"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Ibiki roared, restoring order in the exam hall.

Lee plopped back down in his seat.

The sign was hoisted up, and for the next few minutes, there weren't any more signs. Naruto returned to pretending to fret over his blank question paper. Around the exam hall, a few of the genins who cheated poorly were caught, and sent out of the hall. None of the examiners moved from their spot; they clearly didn't care about the mystery signs.

Another sign dropped down after five minutes.

**EVEN THE JOUNINS IN THIS EXAM ARE INVOLVED.**

**ONE OF THEM IS A SADIST WITH A BLOOD FETISH.**

Ibiki and quite a number of the Chunin proctors smirked, knowing who the sign was referring to. Naruto put on a confused expression.

**ANOTHER IS A MASOCHIST.**

**SUPPOSEDLY WEARS A BANDANA TO COVER THE SCARS ON THE HEAD.**

It was very clear to the observing genins who this was referring to when Ibiki's smirk slipped off his face. Several teams were caught cheating because they were distracted by the 'revelation'.

**THERE MIGHT BE MORE, SO KEEP AN EYE OUT.**

If one listened carefully, they could hear somebody mutter, "Is it over?"

There was another few minutes respite, before a new sign dropped down.

**WARNING: FLYING MAD COW.**

This sign moved to the left, before ascending up out of sight. Moments later, a cow was lowered down.

"Mooo..." It was struggling slightly in the ropes binding it.

The entire exam hall stared at the spectacle.

It began to move as well, following the path of the sign. It kept mooing as it did. Halfway across, something happened.

"Moo. Moooo-uwahahahaHAHAHAHAHA! HEE HEE! MOO HOO HOO! MOO HEH! MOO HEH! MOOOOOoooooo..." The sound faded off as it was pulled back up.

_The wonders of a specialized Henge... _Naruto covered his mouth with his hands to hide his amusement. But he wasn't the only one who found it funny, as there were snorts and chortles from the genins; the weird laughter was rather infectious.

Ibiki smirked, and followed it up by sending another team out. Another sign came down shortly after that.

**THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE WORLD.**

**REDHEADS WHO SWEAR A LOT ARE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED.**

Naruto noticed one of Orochimaru's Grass Ninja teammates suddenly start swearing, before cutting himself off in mid-curse. _So that's the one Tayuya's in... really, I don't see why nobody came up with it before. Orochimaru goes for young boys, but she's the only girl in the Sound Four..._

The other teammate's shoulders shook slightly. Clearly the two in that body found the message very funny.

**INUZUKAS PRACTICE BEASTIALITY.**

Kiba shot to his feet and slammed his hands down on the table. "Bastard! Don't make things up!"

"No disrupting the exam unless you want to fail!" Ibiki snapped.

"But-"

"Two point deduction! Now sit DOWN!"

"Tch!" Kiba sat back down. On top of his head, Akamaru whined.

"And those of you who find it funny, be quiet." Ibiki ordered, making the chuckling stop. "And you!" He was looking directly at Naruto now. "Focus on your own work!"

_Geh, so he knew it was me all along, huh? _Naruto dropped his head down and stared at the questions.

He kept his head down, ignoring the next few signs. Each one made fun of certain genins in the hall, and quite a number of them got sent out because of their reactions. Still, he wasn't afraid that his clones would get attacked in revenge, because by now even a single Shadow Clones was a match for whatever these genins could come up with. It was particularly funny when the Cloud genins went into a tizzy when they saw the message claiming Killer B was coming here for a rap concert, even though it was a lie.

During this time, Hinata was worried about his blank paper, and offered to show him hers. Of course, he refused, claiming that he didn't want to get her into trouble.

Then the next message came down.

**IT IS POSSIBLE TO PASS WITH A BLANK PAPER.**

Naruto straightened up, his eyes fixed on the sign. He noticed Ibiki watching him carefully.

**YOU HAVE TO CLEAR THE FOLLOWING.**

**WORSHIP THE LOG.**

Naruto nodded and put his palms together. "Praise be to the Log, who rescues us from all danger. Amen."

"Amen." A majority of the Konoha ninjas who overheard him echoed.

The sign was raised up out of sight, and quickly replaced by another one.

**RAISE YOUR BLANK PAPER IN THE AIR.**

By now, all the genins were watching Naruto. He heard a number of them snicker when he showed off his empty question paper, as well as Sakura sighing. The anger Sasuke was exuding was palpable as well. Even the examiners were laughing at him.

_And time for the finale..._

**MAKE OUT WITH THE GIRL NEXT TO YOU.**

Hinata instantly blushed a bright red when she read that. Naruto turned to her with a pleading look on his face. Just minutes ago, she had told him that she didn't want him to fail here. She had no idea if the person putting those signs out was telling the truth, but if it was...

"Please, Hinata-chan!"

"O-okay..."

After one particularly hot and heavy make-out session that left Hinata out cold with a blissful smile on her face, Naruto looked up to see what he had to do next.

**SUCKER.**

"GODDAMMIT!" Naruto yelled over the outright laughter of those watching.

"One more outburst and you fail!" Ibiki shouted at him.

_Well, that should do for now... _Naruto glanced up at the clock. There was another few more minutes to the time Ibiki would ask the tenth question.

Behind him, he heard Kankurou ask to go to the toilet, and left the room. When there was one more minute to go before the time, a new sign dropped down.

**IF YOU ARE READING THIS, SOMEONE HAS CHEATED OFF YOU.**

There was a flurry as the remaining genins immediately covered up their papers and looked around furtively.

Ibiki checked the clock, then cleared his throat. "Now... it's time for the tenth question."

Naruto listened as he laid out the fake conditions, and watched the plants for the purpose of this question give up. Like before, he raised his hand, then suddenly slammed it down.

"DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME! I WON'T RUN!" He shouted. "I'll take it! Even if my paper is blank! I don't care even if I'm going to be a genin forever! I WILL BECOME HOKAGE!"

"Are you sure?" Ibiki pressured him.

Naruto met him gaze for gaze. "I won't go back on my words. That's my ninja way."

As expected, those left behind passed. As Ibiki was telling them about the meaning behind the tenth question, two new signs appeared outside the window. The head examiner only spared them the briefest of looks before sighing and continuing to speak.

**ENTERTAINMENT HAS BEEN PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO PASS.**

**PLEASE CLAP WHEN THE ENTERTAINER APPEARS.**

After the signs were raised up, Naruto twitched as his clones dispelled, sending the memories back to him.

Five minutes later, the window suddenly shattered as a large black bundle crashed through it. It unfurled, and two kunais struck the sealing, holding up what was a large banner. A woman with her hair tied up behind her head stood in front of it.

The momentary expression of surprise on her face when applause greeted her amused Naruto greatly.

Before he left to follow her, Naruto made sure to show the genins his blank paper, to rub in the fact that he managed to pass without writing a single thing apart from his name.


	4. Naruto-Toriko One-Shot

**Another idea that's been hanging around in my mind. This would be a prologue.**

* * *

Everybody in Konoha knows of the Kyuubi incident seven years ago, when the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked their village, and their Fourth Hokage died defeating it. But not all of them know that the Kyuubi could not be killed, only sealed away. In this case, it was sealed in the body of one Uzumaki Naruto. However, the hatred left in those who survived while their friends and family members did not was not easily erased, and its bearers treated the child with contempt. In order to protect the child, the Third Hokage (Sandaime Hokage) passed a law banning anyone from talking about the Kyuubi's sealing. But the adults inadvertently influenced their children to shun the boy as well, and Naruto grew up lonely.

But in some cases, the hatred manifested in the form of attacks upon the young boy, which was why on this October tenth, Naruto could be found fleeing the mob that was after him crying for his blood. He was running as hard as he could, trying to stay in front of them, only the barest of thoughts spared for wondering why he was being treated like this. Even though he could hardly hear them, Naruto knew what the screams were saying.

"Kill the demon!"

"Make it suffer!"

He didn't understand why they called him a demon. He was just a child! Naruto just kept running and running, seeking a place where he could hide safely.

Then suddenly, as he was running down another alleyway, Naruto tripped over something. But when he picked himself up for a look, he saw that there was nothing there. However, on second look, he saw a trapdoor; he had tripped over the handle.

There wasn't any time for him to question why the trapdoor had somehow appeared out of nowhere, as the mob was drawing closer. Naruto barely hesitated before pulling the trapdoor open and sliding through the opening, closing it after him.

In the darkness, he realized he was in a vertical shaft, his foot balanced on the rung of a ladder. Hearing the muted cries of the people that were after him, he decided that he had no other way to go but down. Groping around, he found purchase for his hands, and began to descend.

Naruto had no idea how long he spent climbing down, but eventually he reached the bottom, which was just as dark as everything. He could tell by the feeling of the rungs beneath his fingers that no one had been in this place for a very long time; there was a thick layer of dust that filled the air with his every movement, forcing him to breathe lightly. Feeling in the dark to make sure he wasn't going to run into a wall, he followed the passage he found himself in, until he saw a dim light. Feeling encouraged, Naruto rushed towards it, and emerged into a place that went beyond anything he could imagine.

Various glass jars were stacked on shelves lining the walls, all containing various plants and creatures suspended in liquid. There were also test tubes in racks and various types of lab equipment, as well as several books of varying thickness. Like before, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. The light he had seen came from a dimly glowing bulb hanging from the ceiling, but the moment he stepped across the threshold of the room, it brightened, making him flinch back in fear.

After a few minutes, when it was clear that nothing else was going to happen, Naruto gathered up the courage to venture further into the room. Bit by bit he grew bolder as his curiosity overcame his nervousness, and he began poking around. There were so many things in this room, but he had no idea how they worked, just that they were fun to play around with, twisting knobs and flicking switches.

Until he accidentally bumped a table too hard, and one of the jars tipped over to fall on him.

"AAAAH!" Naruto screamed when it broke over his head, dropping its inhabitant on top of him. "Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!"

It was wet and slimy, and it had long tentacles that wrapped around him. Out of desperation, Naruto opened his mouth and bit the body hard, severing the portion in his mouth from the rest of it. Then his eyes widened; the thing was DELICIOUS! The run from the mob had left him with a powerful hunger, and before he realized it, he was devouring the organism.

It was a jellyfish, but Naruto never knew it, because he had never seen one before, as Konoha was far from the sea, and he was never allowed to enter the library. He also didn't noticed that it regenerated slightly in its wounded areas, but not fast enough to match his eating. Still, it generated enough to fill his small stomach by the time he finished every bit of it, not caring if it picked dust off the floor or had been soaking in some unknown liquid for God knows how long.

But he soon started regretting it when pain wracked his body. To Naruto, it felt as though something was tearing his body apart and putting it back together repeatedly. He had no idea that the cells from the jellyfish were implanting themselves into his body, transforming him into something never seen before in the ninja world.

In a pocket dimension formed by the seal on his body, the Kyuubi perked up, sensing its host was in a dangerous situation. It could tell because the slow drain on its chakra reserves had suddenly jumped up a thousandfold. Snorting, it rammed even more chakra into the flow, hoping that it would overload the channel and break the seal.

Unfortunately, it did not work, and the Kyuubi settled back down grumpily. It would eventually get used to the adjusted drain, but it wondered what was happening outside.

Naruto's thrashing knocked a pile of books off its table and onto him, and one particularly heavy tome slammed into his head and knocked him into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime, was worried about his young charge Uzumaki Naruto. No one had seen him for the past week already, and he feared for the young child. Even his treasured crystal ball refused to show any clue to Naruto's location. He was on the verge of giving up when one of his ANBU guards appeared.

"Hokage-sama, we've found Uzumaki Naruto."

Hiruzen bolted upright. "Where did you find him?" He demanded.

"He was found wandering in the alleys, covered in dust and grime. He is currently recovering in the hospital."

"Let's go."

The Hokage immediately Shunshin-ed (Body Flicker) to the hospital with the ANBU accompanying him. There, he was informed by the doctors that they were currently running tests on the boy, who had been changed somehow.

"Changed?" He queried.

"What we've found out so far is that his cellular regeneration have increased beyond what it was before. We suspect his..." The medic that was assigned to answer questions paused to think of a term that wouldn't violate the law set by the Sandaime. "Acquaintance... has modified his body."

Hiruzen stared at the man, waiting for him to add what he wasn't saying.

"Except we haven't found any trace of its chakra. Uzumaki seems to have achieved this change without it."

"Where was he found?" Hiruzen asked.

"An ANBU found him wandering the alleyways. He was in an extremely filthy condition, but unhurt."

"The sewers?"

The medic shook his head. "No. There wasn't any feces on him, just a large amount of dust."

A frown crossed the Sandaime's features. "Did he say where he was?"

"He does not know." The medic paused again, but this time as though nervous to say what was coming next. "But we believe he found his way into one of Orochimaru's hidden labs."

Hiruzen paled. The thought of the innocent child discovering one of his former student's den of human experimentation was a horrifying one. "God! Where was it?"

"We do not know. Uzumaki is unsure of the location."

"What did Naruto do there?"

"According to him, he ate something that was in a storage jar." The medic looked revolted at the thought of anyone doing that, and Hiruzen paled even further. "It could be the reason for his current change."

"That Orochimaru..." Hiruzen growled. "What else did he say?"

"He said it made his body experience intense pain, which was why he didn't eat anything else."

"Good." The old man paused when something about that statement bothered him. "...wait, nothing else?"

"That's what he said, Hokage-sama."

"That means he didn't eat anything for nearly a full week!"

The medic paused. "But according to our examination, he wasn't experiencing starvation at all."

"What has happened to you, Naruto?" The Hokage asked no one in particular.

His companion coughed. "Oh, and Uzumaki also has a book which he absolutely refuses to let go of."

"A book?" Hiruzen was curious.

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Could you get him to release it to us? It might hold a clue to what happened to him."

It would be another hour before the doctors were finally finished with Naruto. When they reported their findings to the Hokage, it was astounding. The boy's body was found to contain a new cell type never before encountered. It was responsible for his enhanced condition and regeneration ability, but it also had a high energy demand, something which was offset by the chakra of the Kyuubi. As things were now, Naruto would experience a greatly increased appetite in order to make up the difference.

When Hiruzen entered the ward Naruto was in, he was surprised to find the boy just as lively as he recalled. Except that Naruto was reading, something which he never did willingly before.

"Jii-chan! You never believe what I found!"

"What is it, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto brandished the book in his hand for the Hokage to see. "This great storybook!"

The title of the book was _'The Four Heavenly Kings of Gourmet'_, and Hiruzen felt slightly disappointed to find that it didn't contain any medical research at all, but was just a storybook.

But he had no idea that the future of Naruto would be shaped by the tales in that book.

On Naruto's part, he eventually recalled where the secret entrance of the hidden lab was, but he would return there many times in the future without telling anyone, in order to sate his curiosity about what was hidden within. For some reason he would not know until later, he was the only one who could find that trapdoor. And with the secrets hidden beneath it, Naruto would bring about an unexpected revolution in the ninja world.

In time, many people would know the legend of Uzumaki Naruto, the Gourmet Shinobi!

* * *

So that's how I would start a Naruto/Toriko crossover. Naruto will have the abilities of the four, Toriko, Coco, Sani, and Zebra, but since he's distributed across them, he won't be able to match their levels so quickly. Naruto will also teach himself to revive ingredients and cook them, and eventually discover more hidden labs with further ingredients to revive and cook.

In such a case, I don't think he should learn Kage Bunshin, but Naruto without Kage Bunshin is... well, I suppose I would need to read more fanfics of that setting. In any case, please give me feedback on this, and tell me if you think I should continue with this one-shot.


	5. Naruto-Toriko Second Attempt

"Speech."

_Thoughts._

**Technique.**

* * *

In Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, there was a large red building with a giant sign bearing the kanji for 'Fire' on it. This could said to be the heart of the village, because it was where the leader of the village, the Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen, performed his duties as the leader of the village.

However, at this moment, his mind wasn't on his duties, but the child he saw as his grandson in all but blood. The boy's name was Uzumaki Naruto, and up till five years ago, he was a ball of energy that always had a smile for this old man, despite the trouble in his young life.

Hiruzen sighed. Twelve years ago, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the Nine-Tailed Fox, attacked Konoha. In order to stop it, the Fourth Hokage had given his life to seal it into a newborn child, and that child was Naruto. However, the adults saw Naruto as the Fox, and while they wouldn't inflict any harm on him for fear of breaking the seal, Naruto was shunned and treated with contempt. He had tried to reduce the damage by passing a law saying no one was to let those of Naruto's generation know about the Fox, but with the parents influencing their children, there wasn't much of a difference. Naruto was alone.

But things changed five years ago. Naruto had vanished for a week, and when he reappeared, the account he told wasn't pretty. The young child had stumbled into a hidden laboratory, and out of hunger, ate something in a jar without knowing the dangers of such an act. He had experienced severe pains afterwards, and underwent a strange change in his cellular makeup that even the medics were unable to understand, save that only the Kyuubi's energy prevented Naruto from dying from the high energy drain of his own cells. Even now, the supposed lab had yet to be found despite his best efforts, and if not for the changes in Naruto, he would have thought the boy was lying. Hiruzen initially thought the lab belonged to his wayward student Orochimaru, but the more time he spent pondering the case of Uzumaki Naruto, the less he was sure of it.

As for Naruto, he no longer acted up as he did before, seeking attention. If anything, he seemed much more determined than before, and that determination was directed at the art of cooking. Yet when asked, Naruto would say that he had not abandoned his dream to become Hokage, and he supported his words by performing rather well in the classes at the Academy. He could match Uchiha Sasuke in taijutsu with his own style, and topped his class in stealth, which was something given the fact that Naruto wore an orange jumpsuit. Yet Hiruzen's gut told him that Naruto was hiding more of his abilities, and would continue to do so until he passed the Genin exam. It was a smart move given the discrimination the boy faced, but he couldn't help but worry...

As Hiruzen turned his chair around to look out over the village, he wondered what was in store for Naruto in the future.

* * *

"NARUTO!"

The blond kid bearing that name jerked in shock, and his hand slipped, causing his cooking knife to cut deeply into his finger. "Ow, shit!"

"Why aren't you in class-" An adult male ninja with his brown hair tied up in a topknot and bearing a horizontal scar across his nose came stomping into the apartment. "What happened?" He asked when he saw the boy sucking on his finger.

Uzumaki Naruto pulled his finger out and looked at the man accusingly. "You surprised me and I cut myself, Iruka-sensei!"

"Ah, sorry- THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE HERE!" Umino Iruka suddenly raised his voice, making Naruto flinch. "Why aren't you in class!?"

Naruto slapped his forehead. "Oh shit, there's class today! I forgot!" Then he saw Iruka glaring at him. "Umm... sorry?"

"Explain yourself."

Naruto glanced at the chopping board behind him. "Uhh..."

Iruka sighed. "I think I can guess... you learned another recipe by watching a chef and wanted to try it out?"

"Yeah! That's right! I was julienning the cabbage-" (1)

"Go to class, you IDIOT!" Iruka emphasized his words with a punch to Naruto's head.

"Ow!" Naruto crouched down, clutching the spot Iruka hit.

"Clean up quickly and let's go." The older male ordered.

"Okayyy~"

It had been five years since Naruto had wandered into a lab no one knew about, and his appearance had changed greatly. His previously short hair had grown out to a shaggy mane that stretched right down to his shoulder blades, despite the teachers' attempts to get him to cut it, and his forehead was covered by a green bandana. His body had become a lot more fit and muscular, testament to his improved diet, which was mainly thanks to his own efforts. Though it wasn't so easily seen underneath his baggy orange jumpsuit.

After the first time he had stumbled across the wooden trapdoor leading to the secret lab, Naruto returned there a month later with a proper light source to figure out just what was inside. It was an amazing sight; multitudes of storage jars containing various organisms in a state of preservation were on the shelves that lined the room, and the tables had several complicated-looking pieces of equipment that he could tell was both fragile and expensive. The whole place was covered in dust, though slightly thinner where he had passed through the last time. After searching around, Naruto stumbled across several books that were in surprisingly good condition.

One of them explained about something called Gourmet Cells, which came from a Gourmet Jellyfish. When Naruto had looked at the label of the one broken jar in the room, he quickly realized just what it was he had eaten, and how his body had been changed. The book mentioned how he could improve his strength by eating delicious food compatible with his new cells, and that was how Naruto found a target to aim for. As he left, he took another book along with him, titled 'The Four Heavenly Kings of Gourmet', because of the interesting tales and abilities contained within.

However, his task wasn't easy; shops refused to sell to him, or sold him rotten items, and he didn't see the Hokage often enough to get the old man to take him out to eat at different eating places. Eventually, he realized that he had to rely on himself if he wanted to eat all the various types of foods. So Naruto gritted his teeth and forced himself to learn cooking no matter what.

He snuck into the library to get at the cookbooks, and also visited it every day until the librarians finally gave up and let him in. Begging the Third Hokage for cooking implements and ingredients, Naruto worked hard to learn how to cook his own meals, despite his young age. As he grew older, he also began sneaking around the restaurants, in order to learn their cooks' recipes, and later practiced them in secret until he managed to master them. In some cases, he actually managed to improve on the recipes. As his cooking skills improved, his food expenses went down, as he got the Hokage to buy the ingredients directly, and cooked for both himself and the old man. By now, he was well-known around the village for his ability to whip up delicious meals.

There were a few cases of people trying to sabotage his efforts, but Naruto adapted by learning how to properly conceal his stores, leaving behind the rotten stuff the shopkeepers sold him to fool those who came to vandalize his apartment. And as his Gourmet Cells improved, Naruto gained several abilities that became very useful, but they also unlocked a new source of knowledge, and with that knowledge came a slightly jaded maturity. Because of it, he learned to hide the abilities and act normally instead. As things were, his peers thought of him as an above average student with a penchant for cooking, and nothing more.

"Geez," Iruka dragged Naruto along behind him by the collar. "Stop giving me trouble, will you?"

"Fine..." Naruto crossed his arms as his heels scraped across the sandy ground.

Iruka dragged him into the Academy building and into the noisy class. The students laughed when Naruto came stumbling in, shoved by Iruka. Most of them were familiar with the reason for his lateness, having heard various versions of it before.

"Take your seat, Naruto." Iruka ordered. Once his wayward student did so, the man continued, "Seriously, what were you thinking! Tomorrow's the graduation exam, and you failed twice already!"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, chuckling uncomfortably. "Sorry... I got so caught up in cooking..." _I got careless and forgot to keep a ear out. _He berated himself. _Naruto, you idiot!_

"You should just quit being a ninja and be a cook instead!" One of the other kids yelled, causing the others to laugh.

Naruto glared at the other boy. "Hell no! I said I would be Hokage, and I never go back on my word!"

"SHUT UP!" Iruka yelled, his head suddenly growing to enormous proportions for that single moment. "Anyway, let's review your ninjutsu for today..." Naruto tuned him out as Iruka began calling students up to demonstrate the jutsus he asked for.

_I should read some more of the book... haven't touched it for quite a while now. _Naruto mused. After some bullies at threatened to destroy it, Naruto had decided to keep the storybook in the secret lab, only taking it out to read once in a while.

"NARUTO!" Iruka's voice jarred him out of his thoughts. "It's your turn. Do the Bunshin no Jutsu." (2)

"Ehhh? The Bunshin no Jutsu?" Naruto groaned. "You know I suck at it..."

"Enough excuses! Do it!"

"Okay, okay..." Naruto put his hands together in the appropriate hand seal. "**Bunshin no Jutsu!**"

There was an explosion of smoke, and it cleared away to reveal a white version of him slumped on the floor as though it had died. Iruka sighed and shook his head, and made a mark on his clipboard.

"I don't get it... I do everything right, so why doesn't it work?" Naruto grumbled.

"Your control is bad, that's why." Iruka informed him. "You should be working on improving that instead of WASTING YOUR TIME COOKING!"

"But I do that leaf balancing exercise an hour everyday!" Naruto whined. "Even when I'm practicing my cooking!"

Iruka looked like he wanted to say something, but in the end, the scarred ninja shook his head. "Just work harder next time, okay? Next, Ubataki!"

That evening, Naruto could be seen at Ramen Ichiraku's, slurping down a bowl of miso ramen. When he was young, this was the one place that never turned him away when he needed a meal. Because of that small bit of kindness, Naruto made it a point to come here once in a while, and never attempted to steal the recipe behind its delicious ramen. Ramen held a special meaning to him, because it was associated with many pleasant memories.

"Yo, Naruto." Naruto paused in his eating to see Iruka taking a seat next to him at the counter. "One beef ramen." He told the serving girl behind the counter.

"Hi, Iruka-sensei."

The man leaned his arms on the counter, looking at his blond student. "Rare to see you eating something you didn't cook yourself."

"We're the only place he ever comes to eat from." The girl told him, shooting a smile at an embarrassed Naruto. "That's probably because he's trying to figure out our recipe, though."

"Stop teasing me, Ayame-neechan..." Naruto complained, blushing. "You know I would never do that."

"Yes, yes... here's your beef ramen." Ayame placed the bowl down in front of Iruka, who thanked her and began eating.

Naruto finished his ramen and placed his hands together. "_Gochisousama-deshita_. Hope you're my teacher next year, Iruka-sensei." He paid the bill and left.

Iruka stared at the back of the boy. "Next year?" He asked himself. "He makes it sound as though he's going to fail tomorrow."

"Sometimes, I can't tell with him either." Ayame was wearing a troubled expression. "But Naruto... somehow he just _knows_ things..."

"How so?"

"There was this time... I was in a bit of trouble, but Naruto suddenly came out of nowhere and helped me." Ayame admitted with a bit of a blush. "But at that time, he shouldn't have been anywhere nearby."

Hearing that, Iruka couldn't help but wonder just what was up with his student Uzumaki Naruto.

* * *

Iruka frowned when he saw the notices handed out to the examiners detailing what were the conditions required to pass the Academy Graduation Exam. "Bunshin no Jutsu...? Just that?"

"Just that." The ninja acting as the principal confirmed.

_Naruto's never managed to perform a Bunshin no Jutsu, not even once... if it's being tested, he'll fail for sure. Don't tell me he knew this would happen?_

Iruka headed to his class with his troubled thoughts in his head, accompanied by his friend Mizuki.

"What's wrong, Iruka?"

"Hmm? Ah, no... it's nothing..." _Am I overthinking this? Are they doing this on purpose?_

When he announced the requirement to pass to the class, Iruka was looking at Naruto's face. For some reason, the boy didn't seem surprised. If anything, his expression was one of resignation. Later, when he called Naruto into the next room to demonstrate, the same expression was still there.

"**Bunshin no Justu.**" Naruto intoned.

_Please work... _Iruka prayed.

But when the smoke vanished, the same dead-looking clone from yesterday was there. Iruka sighed heavily and shook his head. "Sorry, Naruto. You fail."

Naruto shrugged. "Figures."

"Iruka..." Both of them turned to look at Mizuki, who had spoken. "This is his third time, and he did create a clone. Couldn't we let him pass...?"

Iruka shot a glance at Naruto, and was surprised to see the boy frowning. He thought Naruto would be eager to pass, yet why...?

But his serious persona took charge. "We can't, Mizuki. All the others created two, but Naruto only created one, and it was useless. We can't let him pass."

"Oh well." Naruto started walking towards the door. "See you next year, Iruka-sensei, Mizuki."

As Iruka called out for the next student, a brief thought went through his mind. _Why did Naruto say 'Mizuki' instead of 'Mizuki-sensei'?_

* * *

Naruto sat on the wooden swing watching his classmates celebrate with their families, proudly showing off their new forehead protectors. It was painful to know that if not for the discrimination practiced by the Academy teachers, he would have been wearing one of those as well. Closing his eyes, he could hear some of the things the parents were saying about him, though out of earshot of their children. He thought he had gotten used to the comments, but it still hurt a little. Sometimes, Naruto wondered if he would have been better off being ignorant...

His ears twitched, and moments later, the swing was empty. The crowd shifted slightly, revealing the Third Hokage and Iruka standing together in their midst, looking in the direction of where Naruto was.

"Iruka, I need to talk to you later."

"Yes, sir."

Naruto was walking along the street with his hands in his pockets. His eyes flickered to the side, and he paused.

"Naruto." He turned around to look. Mizuki was standing behind him. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"I know how you feel. You really wanted to graduate, didn't you?" The man smiled sympathetically.

"Yeah."

"You really should have, you know. Your grades aren't that bad, it's just your luck that they were testing the Bunshin."

Naruto didn't say anything, and just blinked up at his teacher.

"But if you really want to pass that badly, I'll tell you a special secret." Mizuki grinned down at Naruto.

Later that night, a cry went up around the village.

"Uzumaki Naruto has taken the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing!"

"What?" "Hokage-sama!" Several ninjas assembled in front of the village leader, all of them in varying states of alarm. "He has to be caught!"

"Be silent." The Third Hokage didn't have to raise his voice; the crowd of ninjas quieted down instantly. "Iruka, Mizuki, you two go search for Naruto first."

"Yes sir!" The two ninjas leaped away.

"The rest of you, listen closely..." The Hokage took his pipe from his mouth and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

* * *

Beams of moonlight illuminated a copse of trees, revealing a young boy dressed in orange sitting on the ground in a clearing there. His clothes were damaged and dirty, and he himself was panting heavily. A large-sized scroll hung off his back, the same scroll every ninja in the village was currently looking for.

_That was tough... but I think I got it... need some food soon to regain my stamina... _His ears picked up a sound. _Finally..._

A shadow fell across him, and Naruto looked up to see an irate Iruka. "I've found you..."

Naruto managed to gather enough energy to raise a hand in a wave of greeting. "Hey, Iruka-sensei. I got the scroll and came here before you did. Do I pass the secret test?"

A frown briefly passed across Iruka's face. "Secret test?" He asked himself, then his eyes widened. "Naruto, where did you get the scroll?" He asked urgently.

"Mizuki told me to get it and come here. He said if I could show you a jutsu I learned from it, you'd let me graduate." _Yeah, right... _Naruto's eyes narrowed. "But that's not true, is it? Mizuki." He spoke to someone over Iruka's shoulder.

Iruka's eyes widened, and he made to push his young student out of the way of the incoming kunais. However, Naruto dodged the push and put himself in their path, between them and Iruka.

"Naruto!"

"**Hair Lead!**" Naruto's hair fanned out around him, and the kunais suddenly swerved aside, missing the two of them.

"What was that? How did you make those kunais miss?" Mizuki demanded. The man was crouched on a branch high up in a tree.

Naruto smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know, _traitor_."

Mizuki smirked as well, but his was unpleasant. "The traitor is you. You stole the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing, and everyone is after you for it."

Iruka finally pieced together what was happening. "Mizuki! You bastard, you used Naruto!"

The white-haired ninja laughed. "Yeah, so I did. What of it?" Then he stopped and glared at the boy. "Now, give me the scroll."

"Don't give it to him, Naruto!" Iruka shouted, drawing a kunai of his own. "It has forbidden ninjutsu written inside it!"

"It's not like he can use them, Iruka." Mizuki chuckled. "After all, there's no _point_."

Iruka instantly realized what Mizuki was about to do. "N-NO! DON'T!"

Naruto just continued to stare up at the man who had led him to steal the scroll he was carrying.

"Twelve years ago... you know about the demon fox being sealed, right?" Mizuki rested his arm on a knee. "Since that day... a special rule was created for this village."

"Mizuki, shut up!" Iruka flung his kunai at his colleague. "Don't tell him!"

"Don't interrupt my fun, Iruka." Drawing out one of the giant shurikens on his back, Mizuki easily blocked the throwing knife with it. "But that rule... is not meant to be told to you, Naruto..."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "What kind of rule?"

"MIZUKI! STOP!"

"The rule that you are the Nine-Tailed Fox." Mizuki sneered.

Iruka gritted his teeth. "Naruto! Don't listen to him! It's not true!"

"You're the one who destroyed this village twelve years ago, and the one who killed Iruka's parents!" Mizuki continued, clearly enjoying the revealing as he began spinning the shuriken in his hand. "You were sealed up by the Hokage you admired, and lied to by everyone!"

Iruka jumped in front of Naruto with fresh kunais in each hand, and leapt to attack. "MIZUKIIII!"

"Everyone hates you! Even IRUKA hates you!" Mizuki dodged Iruka's lunge, and jumped down towards Naruto, who hadn't moved since he first defended Iruka.

_Shit! I forgot about Naruto! _Iruka realized in horror. "NARUTO, GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

Naruto finally moved, shifting his weight onto his back leg. "So what?"

"Huh?"

"Eh?" Mizuki didn't expect that reaction, and he paused for a second.

He was totally unprepared for the heavy blow that struck him in the chin, which sent him flying into a tree. Mizuki crashed into the trunk and landed on the ground, coughing up blood. Looking up, he saw the blond student land on the ground after his aerial punch, and turn to look in his direction.

"I knew already. People have loose lips, and I have _very _good ears." Naruto said simply.

"Y-you de-demon..." Mizuki struggled to get up.

"Naruto..." Iruka whispered as he stared at his student.

"I hear a lot of things, actually. Like how the teacher in charge of the exam keeps putting the Bunshin no Jutsu as the requirement so I won't ever pass... how the parents tell their children that I'm a bad kid they should stay away from..." Naruto tugged on the bandana covering his forehead. "But I don't care. Because I'm not the Kyuubi. I'M UZUMAKI NARUTO! AND I'M GOING TO BE HOKAGE!" He shouted the last part.

Hearing that, Iruka couldn't help but smile. Something told him that Naruto would go far as a ninja of Konoha, and becoming Hokage wasn't just words to say for the boy.

"S-so what...?" Mizuki levered himself to his feet. "That won't change anything... Everyone will still hate you..."

"If one man could stop a world war with only one ingredient, then I'm sure it won't be hard for me!" Naruto placed his hands together in a praying gesture. "And you're going down!"

"Hah! Like you can-" Mizuki suddenly staggered. "Wh-wha? My body..." He realized his chin, the spot where Naruto had hit him earlier, felt a little strange, and that sensation was spreading to the rest of his limbs.

"**Poison Dressing.**" Naruto held up a purple colored fist. "When I hit you, I delivered a dose of paralyzing poison. You won't be able to move effectively now."

"Ba-bastard!" The man cursed him.

The purple tone on Naruto's skin receded, and he pulled his fist back, running towards the traitor who tried to use him. "Here I come, Mizuki!"

A look of fear crossed Mizuki's face. "Wa-wait! STOP!"

"**3-Hit...**" Naruto growled. "**NAIL PUNCH!**"

The fist slammed into Mizuki's gut, sending the man flying back into the tree again. As Iruka watched, there was a small explosion as a dent appeared in his former colleague's stomach, and Mizuki's threw up slightly. Another burst sounded, and the tree broke. Mizuki crashed to the ground, out cold, while the tree trunk fell towards Naruto, who easily sidestepped it.

"Naruto..." Iruka stared at his student, shocked by this all new side of the boy he had never seen before.

"Hoh... I see Naruto-kun has things taken care of." Iruka's head whipped around to see the Hokage standing next to him, nonchalantly smoking his pipe.

"Ho-Hokage-sama! Since when-!?" Now that Iruka noticed, there were several other ninjas around them, and some of them were taking custody of Mizuki.

"Naruto came to me earlier today about Mizuki... thanks to him, we've managed to catch a rat in action." The Hokage took his pipe out of his mouth and looked at Iruka. "Sorry about keeping you in the dark, but at least you aren't hurt."

"Ye-yeah, I'm fine... But Naruto... the scroll..."

"This scroll's fake, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto called over from where he was.

Iruka was surprised; he was well over twenty meters away, and he wasn't speaking very loudly. "How did he-?"

The old man chuckled. "I believe you heard Naruto say how good his hearing was already."

"Oh yeah..."

"By the way..." The Hokage walked past Iruka. "Naruto, come here for a second."

"What is it, Jiji?" The boy approached him.

"Here you go." Iruka saw the Hokage hold out a forehead protector. "You've proven that you deserve it. Congratulations on graduating, Naruto."

The blond child grinned. "Thanks, Jiji!" He leaned to the side to look at Iruka. "Iruka-sensei, I passed! Look!"

"Ye-yeah..." Iruka nodded numbly. "Congratulations..."

* * *

Later, Naruto was seated in the Hokage's office, across the desk from Hiruzen. Iruka was in the chair next to him, and kept shooting glances at the boy.

"So, Naruto, now that you've graduated, would you like to tell me more about what you can do?"

"Well," Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "I can hear, smell, see, and touch really good."

"Could you be more specific? What do you mean, touch and see really good? Do you have a doujutsu (3) bloodline limit?" Hiruzen leaned forward interestedly.

"Well, when I say touch, I mean with my hair." Naruto didn't move his body, but his hair suddenly moved on its own, winding into tendrils. "Using my Touches, I can move things, like this."

The pen on the desk suddenly rose on its own, apparently without anything touching it. The two adults stared at it for a moment, before turning to look at Naruto.

"Is that all you can do with them?" Iruka asked.

"There are some more, but I need to practice. For now, all I can do is move things around. And tell when the shops are selling me defective stuff." Naruto replied.

"What about seeing, though?"

Naruto looked confused. "I'm not sure how to answer this one... but you know how we can see in the visible light spectrum?" He waited for the two men to nod. "I can see beyond that, and can see some things clearly even if they're really fast."

"The Sharingan?" Iruka looked at the Hokage questioningly. (4)

"Sharingan?" Naruto repeated, clearly unfamiliar with the term. "I don't know what that is, but I can just see better, that's all."

"Okay then, what about smell?"

"Well, I can smell very well, which is one reason why I'm good at tracking..." Naruto took a sniff. "There are four ninjas hidden in this room, and two more smells that belong to those who were on the previous shift."

Hiruzen felt his guards fidget in surprise. ANBU guards were supposed to be good at concealing their scent in order to hide their presence as much as possible, enough that even some Inuzukas couldn't detect them. Yet Naruto had easily found them out. It meant that his sense of smell was on par with the ninja dog-using clan, or even better.

"And your hearing?" Iruka prompted, just as curious about the blonde's abilities as the rest were.

Naruto cocked his head. "Would you believe me that I could navigate out of this place using only my ears?"

They thought about it, and Hiruzen nodded. "Actually, I would."

"There you have it."

There was silence for a while, as both Iruka and the Hokage considered these abilities that Naruto had never shown before, while Naruto just kicked his legs and wondered what he should try cooking tonight. Then Hiruzen remembered the other abilities Naruto had.

"What about the other skills you've showed? Since when could you make your body poisonous?"

"Err, well, about that..." Naruto seemed uncomfortable. "I snuck into some places and got them?"

Hiruzen's eyes narrowed. "...what places were those?"

"There's the hospital, some herbs and mushrooms in the forests, plus a few poisonous snakes..." Naruto looked around. "Can we not talk about this? I don't like discussing it."

The Hokage relented. "Fine, but I expect you to come clean in future. Which brings me to the final part of this discussion, are these abilities connected to what happened to you five years ago?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, Jiji. You can call it a bloodline, I guess."

"I've never heard of a bloodline that can do all that. If the other villages knew..." Iruka said to himself.

Hiruzen sighed. "There would be a bloodbath at least. I'm making this an A-rank secret as of now on. Naruto, I appreciate you sharing your abilities with me, but keep the special ones hidden for the time being, alright?"

"Sure. I've been doing it all the while anyway."

"You may leave. Iruka, stay for a while." Hiruzen gestured, and Naruto skipped out of the room.

As Naruto walked down the street, he could still hear the two men talking. Unlike the harsh words of those who saw him, theirs encouraged him greatly. He had people who believed in him! Naruto promised himself that he would live up to those hopes, and become a great ninja!

_Eating delicious food along the way will be an added bonus! _

* * *

(1) Julienning is a culinary knife cut where the ingredient is cut into long thin strips.

(2) Clone Technique.

(3) Eye-related ability that usually comes with a bloodline limit.

(4) Copy Wheel Eye.

So this is my second attempt at trying to start a Naruto/Toriko crossover. Thanks to Blinded in a Bolthole, I realized that the 'murderous Konoha mob' of a few fanfics isn't really that likely... So I tried rewriting it as Naruto accidentally stumbling across the lab, full stop.

Anyway, I'm feeling more confident about this one, though I'm still not sure about whether to include Kage Bunshin (I put the exhausted state in, which could be due to Naruto practicing his own moves, or the Kage Bunshin), and might eventually make it into a full fanfic in future... Need more reviews and feedback, guys!


	6. Naruto-Medaka Box Idea Start

A blond boy was curled up in his bed crying. He kept wondering why those around him kept looking at him with such hateful eyes, and every gaze made the pain in his chest grow even bigger. Even those who were kind to him wouldn't tell him the reason why, and that just worsened things even more.

"Ara... what's the matter? Why are you crying?" A female voice asked him.

Naruto looked up, then looked around. "Sniff... wh-where... where am I...? Who are you?"

Somehow, he found himself no longer in his vandalized bedroom, but in what looked like a classroom. There were electric lights hanging from the ceiling, desks and chairs stacked together at the back of the room behind him, and a large blackboard mounted on the wall behind the teacher's table. And leaning on that table was a girl.

She had black hair, long, thick and smooth, tied near the end which hung around her knees, with a large hair band on top of her head. Her clothes were rather simple; a white blouse with a bow tied at the front of her collar, and a short skirt that stopped just above her long stockings.

"Hmm..." The girl raised a finger in the air near her face. "You could say it's my world. And as for who I am... my name is Ajimu Najimi. But you can call me Anshin'in-san."

"Anshin...in-san?" Naruto repeated.

"Yes~" She responded as though she was a student being called to answer a question in class. "So, what's your name, little boy?"

"Na...Naruto. Uzumaki... Naruto." Naruto sniffled.

"Why were you crying?"

"Because... because it hurts... in here..." Naruto put a hand on his chest.

"Arara... that's awful..." Najimi pushed herself off the table and approached him, her hair swaying with each step. "Ne, would you like me to help?"

"Onee-chan can-" He was interrupted by a finger on his lips.

"Anshin'in-san." She said firmly.

"Anshin'in-san," Naruto said obediently, "You can make it stop hurting?"

Pulling back her finger, the girl wagged it in front of her face. "Yes. But it also depends on you too."

"How?"

"You see, I have many, many, many skills that can help me do all sorts of things. And I'll give _one_ of them to you."

"How many is many, many, many?"

"12, 852, 051, 967, 633, 867 of them."

"THAT'S SO MANY!" Naruto blurted out. "Anshin'in-san, you're amazing!"

Najimi smiled. "Thank you."

"But what skill are you going to give me? How will it make the pain go away?"

"That's the thing..." Najimi crouched down slightly to meet Naruto's eyes. "This skill wasn't actually mine to begin with, but I have it now, and I'll pass it to you. All you have to do, is to push _aaaaall_ of the pain away..."

"How?" Naruto's eyes suddenly widened as he realized that she was pressing her lips against his, and stepped back. "WH-WHAT WAS THAT?"

"I gave it to you." Najimi said simply, straightening up.

"Huh?"

She smiled as the classroom suddenly began to darken, swallowing everything else except for him and her.

"**[Encounter]**."

* * *

This is the idea of a Naruto-Medaka Box crossover. As we all may know by now, Naruto had a shitty childhood, and it's a wonder he didn't end up like Gaara. Well, what happens if he gets a skill that allows him to push anything he encounters away from him, even emotional pain? And what would happen to the citizens of Konoha, who end up receiving the trauma they inflict with their actions? We'd probably see stuff like the whole village going into chaos as they try to figure out what's causing all the psychological damage in the citizens, etc...

Except I don't have the imagination to spare on that story. Well, I've got this drabble out of me, so I'll focus on my main stuff now.


End file.
